Many of the things we say and do to create and enhance customer relationships actually erode them instead. That’s right. We regularly use exactly the wrong behaviors to get what we want when it comes to rapport building.

2 Principles of Relationships
There are two essential truths when it comes to bonding with one another. These truths are counterintuitive. As you read these two points in this sales blog, think of your past customer experiences in creating and nurturing relationships as reference points.

Principle #1
Detachment. You will never be everyone’s friend. Not everyone is going to like you. Don’t try to force a psychological relationship on customers. It will backfire.

However, oozing an aura of detachment ironically draws people to you. People naturally put up defenses when they feel anything is being forced on them. Including you. People want to be friends with people who don’t need friends. They want to choose to be in the relationship.

Simply stated, be the cool-kid in high school who everyone liked.   The cool-kid never needed groupies. Don’t be the popular-kid who always had to be the center of attention and felt worthless without adoring fans. Have you noticed that post high school cool-kids are generally much more successful in life than post high school popular-kids? Check it out at your next high school reunion.

Psychological detachment is a good tool; however, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be available to others.  More on this below.

Principle #2
Abundance. Exuding – or even fully verbalizing – that you don’t need someone’s business will make you a more attractive business associate. Customers like doing business with people who aren’t desperate, or needy, or twisting their arm.

When your personality radiates the idea that there is plenty of business to be had, even if a particular person doesn’t buy from you, it is called abundance. “There’s enough business for everyone, and unless it’s a good fit for both of us, we won’t force the issue.”

This is the New Authenticity in action.

Principle #3
Okay, I know I wrote there were two principles. But, there is a third. The first two concern things we tend to do, but shouldn’t (i.e. psychologically clinging to people and pushing customers into actions they aren’t ready for).

The last principle has to do with showing interest. This is something we should do. Always let your customers know you value them, have time for them, respect them, will listen to them.

Further reading:

• 8 Speed Traps in Sales [Customer relationship building takes time and deliberate effort.]
• Our Professionalism May Be Killing Us [Sales tips on allowing our real personality to help us sell.]
• Why Dogs Make Bad Sales Professionals [Brown-nosing our customers can backfire.]
• Can Hillary Clinton teach us something about sales? [Sales blog post on the dangers of not being authentic.]

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